Elvira is old. It’s time someone filled in as the new mistress of the dark. And that can be you. Here is your cathedra: the Maria Throne.
Designed by Sylvia Ji, this horror-drenched piece of furniture features the graphic of a scary woman who looks like she’s about to eat babies or cut off some man parts. Or come alive while the lights are out and start walking around the room. That makes it the perfect throne for the queen of all scary things in the world — you.
The Maria Throne is a limited edition single-person sofa made using hand-shaped mahogany frames, with hand carvings and a black gloss lacquer finish. It’s upholstered traditionally using high-density foams, with a faux suede fabric bearing the scary woman print on top. If suede isn’t your thing, you can request for a special leather option with the exact same print (at an extra price, of course).
Only 33 of the chairs have been made, each one with a sequentially numbered Certificate of Authenticity printed on the bottom. And, yes, you can look at the bottom side. I heard there’s only flesh-eating critters in there on half of the units (a 50% shot is a good shot).
Not interested in being the next mistress of the dark because you don’t have ovaries?  Not a problem. Give it to your girl and hint at how you really feel about her ways (if she inquires, tell her she’s “an apparition of love that strikes fear in your heart”). The Maria Throne is available now for £1,595.