You’re selling pills in the corner right next to the colleges. And you’re raking in Adderall money like a fat rapper swimming in stuffed hamburgers, crunchy breaded chicken and french fries. But it’s hot in them corners and the last thing you want is to look like a burnt Jersey Shore outcast. So you sit under a large umbrella while you sell to them college kids. But it gets windy and your umbrella flies off right into the next block where your competition proceeds to stomp on it like a double bass pedal in a death metal chorus.  You need something that doesn’t fall prey to strong gusts of wind. You need the Wind-Adapting Market Umbrella.
Designed to survive strong winds, this clever canopy automatically bends at the pole when a blast of air comes straight at it. That way, it doesn’t damage, tip over or fly off. Instead, it stays in place, covering you from everything that darts your way right out of the sky — rain, sun, meteors, aliens, whatever.
The Wind-Adapting Market Umbrella uses a stainless steel spring right around the top of the aluminum pole, allowing it to flex during bouts of high winds. Aside from allowing the structure to stand still at winds up to 8 mph, it reduces pressure on both the pole and the canopy, minimizing the likelihood of any part breaking.
The canopy measures 9 foot in diameter, giving you plenty of space underneath to hide from the nature’s wrath. Canopy construction is 100% woven acrylic, which features fade-resistance, microbial-resistance and a UPF of 50+. The catch? It weighs 14 pounds, so you may want to hire muscle (and by muscle, we mean any dude you can get for cheap) to carry it around for you.
Price is $299.95. Available now at Hammacher Schlemmer.